I moved.

I moved! 


Find me here.   

This is love!

 

live in us

 

THAT LIVES IN US
- Rumi

If you put your hands on this oar with me,
they will never harm another, and they will come to find
they hold everything you want.

If you put your hands on this oar with me, they would no longer
lift anything to your
mouth that might wound your precious land-
that sacred earth that is
your body.

If you put your soul against this oar with me,
the power that made the universe will enter your sinew
from a source not outside your limbs, but from a holy realm
that lives in us.

Exuberant is existence, time a husk.
When the moment cracks open, ecstasy leaps out and devours space;
love goes mad with the blessings, like my words give.

Why lay yourself on the torturer’s rack of the past and future?
The mind that tries to shape tomorrow beyond its capacities
will find no rest.

Be kind to yourself, dear- to our innocent follies.
Forget any sounds or touch you knew that did not help you dance.
You will come to see that all evolves us.

If you put your heart against the earth with me, in serving
every creature, our Beloved will enter you from our sacred realm
and we will be, we will be
so happy..

[photo taken by me in Siem Reap, Cambodia]

missing.

I spend so much of my life missing - someone, some place, some time, some idyllic impossible because I try so hard to see the best in people, gather the best in life, and remember the most wonderful moments.

Sometimes I feel like I miss what hasn't even happened yet, ah! it's just this constant longing for something more. If I get this inkling that something's working out and could be better I can't wait. Seeing the best in people->seeing potential->pushing for that future possibility instead of living with faith for just today.

This is one of my favorite quotes. I keep it pinned in front of my desk written on some pretty Florentine stationery from Claire:

"Now we should live when the pulse of life is strong. Life is a tenuous thing...fragile, fleeting. Don't wait for tomorrow. Be here now! Be here now! Be here now!"

 

this was a be here now moment. even if it was there. in frankfurt.

Surprise summer hail storm

 

 

 

 

Brussels, Belgium

 

 

 

 

resilient hope

emotions:
hate. hate. hate. hate. hate.

I guess this is normal- leaving to study abroad in less than a week but i feel so separated from all my friends who've been back at school w/out me for two weeks. Suddenly this whole "extra time off" thing isn't so glorious. So it's natural to feel a bit left out, even if I'm the one doing the leaving.

Ah! True of life. Just talked to my ex, who isn't coping with coming back home and being "just friends" so well. That's exactly it! Revealing any depth of self or personality is...vulnerable. Vulnerability f*ing hurts, because it doesn't last. Leaving is a necessary part of life, strength is just learning to open up to people even when you know it will hurt to leave. [but is leaving really all that necessary? resisting leaving is a pretty dominant theme of my life]

So I'm striving to develop resilient hope, a hope in that true vulnerable humanity in all of us that consists of accumulated human experience and culminates in the moment--each waking moment one is aware of life and chooses to see what they want in their world. I'll choose hope in being real, fully present, and committed to seeing the best [or the potential] in the world and the people I encounter.

If every experience in my life thus far portrays me as a nomad, this is woven into my personality. I crave the ideal and the new, I choose a life of travel and exploration of people--getting to know them, what drives them, what forms their paradigm. I'll admit, I'm terrible at maintaining friendships, but I at least hope to be a positive encounter to everyone I've known and loved.

This is a bit cheesy, even a bit contrived, but it gives me purpose and focus, that's enough for now.